I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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