remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
