I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
