also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
