HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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