I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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