Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
