You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
