im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
