My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
