we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
