it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
