Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
