Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
