Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
