omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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