She's JV to your varsity
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
