Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Pooping to opera.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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