I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
