I feel like I'm in dance class right now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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