I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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