why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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