im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
