The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
