yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
