Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
