what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
