i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize