im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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