Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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