This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
