Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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