I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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