i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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