420 ftw
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
