and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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