u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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