I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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