saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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