the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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