I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
