Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My vagina is officially offended.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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