you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
