omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
