you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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