The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
