So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
