so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
