I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
