I just pynch a tree in the face
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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