im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
