I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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