We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
