i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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