Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
