Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
