Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
