Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
