she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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