She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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