Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
