i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
