so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize