I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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