you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize