Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
