How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
