its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize