the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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