based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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