non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
