SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
