i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
