i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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