dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
