I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
where are my eyebrows?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
