It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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