If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
