She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
