No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
