so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
