Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize