FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
