your thong is hanging out like whoa
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
