Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize